Insanity is just a playground.

Hot damn.

I need a cold shower after that.

I LOVE JACQUELYNN ALYSSA ALTHOUSE.

LET THE WORLD KNOW.

Dear self,

Stop being such a fat ass and lose 40 pounds so awesome clothes will fit you.

i have swine flu

skycandy:

if it gets bad enough will they give me painkillers?
like…opiates?

oh please god please god

What did I tell you about intercourse with pigs Sophie?

I'm gonna fuck you hard.

Closest thing I have to a brother. I sure miss that kid.

Oh god...

No one should ever have to wake up this early just to go to work.

I’m usually going to bed right now.

I feel like shit…

(via lastdryshine)

Better for giving head..

Me: Most people are into the whole american joe, ripped dude perception of attraction. And I'm like the slightly hairy chubby dude who somehow gets a trophy wife

Jackey: hahaha, naw

I'm so terrified.

I’m so sorry I’m not there to take care of you.

Michelle, please make sure my baby is alright.